Saturday night is either the night to come alive and go out looking for adventure or a night to spend actively avoiding it.  Either way we go, we have certain things we do, certain patterns we follow that make the experience worthwhile.

 

 

To start with,

Welcome, ladies and gents, to your night in a la Richie and Kim!  Please turn off your cell phones, pagers and alarms because, well, they'll annoy the shit out of you as you scrump, smooch, and OPEN THE LINES OF COMMUNICATION! 

Really, though, this is an integral part of your night in.  Treat it like any other vital meeting between interested parties and check your rudeness, inattentiveness and all electronic body equipment/communication devices at the door.  When one member of the couple-team turns off the phone, it should be like a silent alarm to the other member.  A silent alarm that triggers the making of sweet looove, that is.

 

So, now you're ready.  Here's what we like to do on a night in when there's little dinero to spend:

 

6-8 pm-ish, KST (Kim's Suggested Time.  She can ba a bit of a late bird, so watch out!)

1. cook a meal together.  The interaction here is important, the teamwork, even more so.  Harmonious meal planning leaves us with happy stomachs and we're always ready to talk and relax after cooking ourselves a wonderful meal.  Add a homemade decadent dessert and some wine and you

are soon set for a night of bliss, as well as phase two:

 

8:30-10 pm,

2. The Movie.  Depending on your mood, you two can watch anything together.  After all, you live together, yes?  If you can put up with finding a  love turd she inadvertantly left for you, you can watch her flick.  If you can put up with his complete lack of olfactory glands, you can put up with his flick. 

This is the worst case scenario.  Best case scenario:  You both enjoy the same movies.

 

2a.  If you don't feel like watching a movie, play cards, board games, sit and drink wine on the porch while chattin' it up, invite some friends over if you're absolutely bored of each other, play a board game, etc.  Just do something nice and relaxing and stay away from couple activities that include doing chores or laundry!

 

10 pm-?

On to phase three:

3. Weather permitting, take a walk.  Take a bike ride.  Look into the sky, whatever's up there.  It's all nice.  Look on the ground.  If you find a penny, pick it up.  Look all around.  If you find a pretty flower, you know what a real romantic would do, so you should do it too.  Pick that flower, put it to your lover's face, and then violently, passionately, rip the flower in half and eat it, pissed off at the flower for even nearing something so much more beautiful than it could ever dream to be.  Tell your lover you did it because you wanted to detroy something beautiful.

 

Better yet, just pick the flower and hand it to your lover and let him/her decide what to do with the blasted thing.  Even the smallest token matters to the true romantic.

 

Once the walk is through, (depending on your area, the climate, and your desire to scrump, a walk can last for either minutes or hours and can include numerous stops)  go home and take a shower or a bath together.

 

What to do once you're showered?  Why, moisturize, moisturize, moisturize, of course!  The best way to do this is by massage.  Massage oil into each other's backs and take turns pampering, or just simultaneously rub feet.  Mutual foot rubs are a great time to relax, rave, and banter.  Always massage your woman first.  Not only is it "ladies first," by some archaic set of standards but it is also physiologically the most rational way to go, since women don't get erections. (duh) After she's had hers, return the favor.  This leads a man, inevitably, to phase four:

 

Home base.  'Nuff said.  After a night spent like this, if you're not at home base by midnight, or if you need more instruction on this part of the night, I suggest you visit:

for more details on what to do.  I'd put it into words for you, but I'm a little bashful ;) and must water my plants now.  Toodle-oo for now, and what to do on a night out when I return.

 

 

Going Out.  Staying Out.

 

Here's what a night out can entail for the average, not-so-rich couple:

 

A movie

a local play put on by the college nearest you.

a musical you scored free tickets to
playing a game outside of the mindgames you crazy people play at home, not limited to:

pool

bowling

darts

mini-golf

cranium (needs 4 people, ideally)

baseball (or batting cages)

watching a sunset from a secluded spot

having a picnic before that

inviting a bunch of friends out for a new dining experience

going shopping for a cute couple gift  (read:  romantic encounter will ensue...)

visit your local museum

eat at an independently owned restaurant and support your local business!

find an eatery/bar that has flamenco dancers.  Great fun!

go grab a scoop of ice cream and walk around eating it.

delight in your freedom and take off for a weekend!  (or a night)

A day or weekend away from Orange:

Las Vegas

The Lodge at Angelus Oaks

San Diego

Temecula

San Francisco