We all know that it's good practice to read the directions before burning your freckles off with what you initially
took for a squirt gun, but not everyone knows that MISUSE OR MISAPPLICATION OF THIS SITE CAN BE HAZARDOUS TO YOUR HEALTH!!!
Every day, more and more people are injuring themselves on their own computers. There are more users than
ever before, surfing the net using neither previous knowledge nor proper training. Lack of
experience and general sophomoric shenanigans have led to a string of recent injuries as well as a large hike in
the teen mortality rate. As driving too young and fast has killed many a youth in America, the internet is killing
the youth of our whole world. Any place that harbors both a computer and internet connection (a deadly combination) can
be targeted. In fact, if you are reading this, you could already be a victim without even knowing! Everyone
knows that nowadays, the internet
has become more polpular than the television for kids ages 13-17. Kids are spending more hours per week online
than they are watching the tube. At this rate, we don't have much longer. Imagine a world without teenagers!
The only way to combat such attrocities is to be informed because "To be informed is the greatest
threat to liars." (1) We strongly recommend that you
use these 13 rules while visiting here at KLR.
1. Triple and quadruple clicking is highly recommended.
2. Do not, under any circumstances, touch the screen after take off.
3. When navigating between pages, it is considered proper etiquette to yell the name of the page you're about to visit
next to show proper respect.
4. If you're not wearing socks or shoes, you're automatically having fun!
5. You may use your left hand for mouse clicking purposes if you are normally left handed, but only if you use a wireless
mouse. In fact, we highly recommend that you adjust your input devices so that they are condusive to the hand dominates
you. There are 2,500 fatalities every year caused by left handed people using right-handed products.( 2)
6. Sprinkle this site sparingly for extra kick.
7. Use the Upcoming Events section liberally to protect yourself against forgetting important dates and sunburn.
8. Sometimes in life, the singer stops singing and your lover stops loving. Sometimes, even the
cursor stops cursing. You should, too, while viewing this site.
9. Use this website to taste.
10. Paul is dead.
11. Microsoft is not a toy.
12. This computer is not a toy.
13. We're all toys in a box and God is the big, gigantic kid who shakes the box around when he's bored or wants some
attention.
Sources:
(1) Taken from an email correspondence between Kim Le and Chi Tram dated June 14, 2003
(2) Askmen.com's fact of the day from August 12, 2003
