Though it seemed this week that Kim was in the lead with her website ( born May 13th) in regards to creativity and flattery, Richie has retaliated with a most powerful and compelling attack against his mate by naming a star after her.( as of May 14th)  Who shall win?  It has yet to be decided.  Unbeknownst to Richie, Kim has launched a land war on him as well, and it is estimated that he'll feel the consequences of her agression by the end of this week, perhaps as early as May 16th.

 

May 16th, 2003

As predicted, Richie has felt the next wave of Kim's attacks.  Last night when they reached Richie's home (after Richie got pulled over and ticketed for speeding while under the influence of fellatio) he found three postcards waiting for him with pithy warnings about surrender and cute little stickers on the back.  Kim awaits his next move.

 

May 20, 2003

Another week, another attack.  This time, however, the war is obviously in the hands of the master of war, Kim.  Of course, that the war correspondent is, blatantly, one of the two feuding sides of this OLW doesn't help with sending and receivingunbiased information, but rest assured that Kim is closing in.  This is a war that will soon be over.

 

July 2, 2003

 At this point, their battle has yielded a virtually countless number of skirmishes.  Last weekend, Richie surpirse-attacked Kim when he decided to buy her the Krusty World Vehicle set.  Kim tried to keep them in the box but within half a week was sitting on the kitchen floor with Richie, pushing the little die-cast metal cars back and forth with a childlike, maniacal glee.

Richie should receive another attack on this very day  when he reaches his new home in Orange. 

 

August 8, 2003

Kim sends another postal attack to his new abode in Orange.  She also finds a fish mobile thingie for his bathroom, which will eventually have an aquatic theme.

She sews two little covers for Cassandra's sun visors and he installs them in Don's cul-de-sac before they all head to Mexico.

 

August 10, 2003

Richie nearly beats Kim by paying for her every expense in Mexico.  The things he buys her she gets nothing but compliments on and she likes it that way.  (Insults hurt her feelings and you should refrain from doing that when visiting this site or encountering her in person.)   They are starting to dwindle on the maintenance of their war. 

 

August 22, 2003

She finds him a lucky ball (13 pool ball, orange, attached to key ring) to wish him luck on the better game of pool he'll need to play in order to kick her backside once and for all.

 

At this point, you might consider the OLW dead.  Though it may pick up again, no one is trying hard to beat the other in the name of this war.  Shall we say that an agreement has been reached?  Most definitely.  Now, they do everything they can for each other without much notice.  Peace is here to stay, love is here to stay.  It's very clear.

 

September 28, 2003

Did you think that the OLW was over?  If you did, then you were misled!  And it was so easy!   All we had to do was plant the idea and watch it grow.  Truth of the matter is, though, that the OLW will never be over!!!!  The couple still manages to do little things for each other almost every week, but we can't mention all the things they do because we'd have no space left to write about all the food they eat.  For instance, Richie finally framed a printout of the star he named after her.  It was a glorious moment.  Kim got Richie a little Chinese good luck thingie to hang outside his door to ward off evil spirits.  Richie took Kim out for sushi.  She took him out two days later, also for sushi.  The list goes on and on.  There's too much to mention, so we'll save the space here for momentous coups and not just every little skirmish. That having been said, the FDA has issued a warming that all bread made today will taste better than the bread you bought two weeks ago.